Apr 1, 2015

Monthly Movie Recap - March 2015

Greetings true believers! March came in like a lion...a lion made of ice. We're still thawing out here but it's mostly gone and we're looking at temps in the 60s for Friday. Hurray! Also, I finally managed to get a new camera, but more on that in a future post.

On with the March movies!

The first film from the House of Corman to ride on Conan's loincloth tails, it's also the film debut of Lana Clarkson from last month's Barbarian Queen flicks. There's a barbarian, an evil wizard, some ridiculous creature makeups, and Barbi Benton. If that doesn't sell you, you should probably not see it.

Cool: The best thing about this one is probably the poster by Boris Vallejo.
Lame: Deathstalker isn't just an anti-hero, he's kind of a dick for most of the movie
Rating: 5/10, there's another 3 movies in this series but I'm pacing myself

It's feels like a proto-Walking Dead: a band of apocalypse survivors avoiding monsters (human and otherwise) while trying to make their way to a better place. Despite the $17m budget, it feels very made-for-TV. I wanted to love it more because it's one of those movies I've always been aware of but never seen. If I'd seen it in the 70s, I might even had a soft spot for it.

Cool: George Peppard! Giant scorpions, flesh eating roaches, and what has to be one the greatest vehicles in film: the Landmaster
Lame: Apparently 20th Century Fox went back and re-edited this after the unexpected success of another little movie called Star Wars. And that's too bad because I'm guessing they cut the parts that would have given this some kind of meaningful story.
Rating: 5/10

* The Fast & The Furious (2001)
Thanks (?) to Now Playing Podcast doing a review retrospective of the series, I decided to put the pedal to the metal and check them out. I originally saw this when it was first released. I thought it would be just dumb fun (which it is) but there was more of a story to it than I was expecting. If you replaced Paul Walker with Michael Knight, this could be a movie length episode of Knight Rider.

Cool: The cars are the stars here; underground car racing; well done action/stunt scenes
Lame: As I said, the cars are the stars and they almost out-act the humans
Rating: 5.5/10

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
With the opening race, I had to check and make sure I didn't put in Wreck-It Ralph by accident. The cars, drivers, and their fans are all color co-ordinated and the race itself feels very much like something out of Need for Speed. But I'm not saying any of that as a bad thing!

Cool: Very kinetic driving sequences
Lame: The plot feels like it's trying too hard to be complicated and I don't need that in an action movie. If you want to get wasted watching this one, take a drink every time there's an insert shot of Walker's feet on the pedals.
Rating: 6/10, If the first one was Knight Rider, this one is skirting GTA.

The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift (2006)
With a title like that, I expected this to be the (sequel name) 2: Electric Boogaloo of the series. What I wasn't expecting was the little kid from American Gothic! It's somewhat more of the same formula of cars, racing, and criminal activity but in Tokyo.

Cool: Moving to Tokyo really makes this one feel fresh; some impressive drift stunts; the surprise cameo at the end which makes this apparent reboot turn into a sequel
Lame: Although the drifting is cool, I got bored of it after awhile. The previous driving sequences were very kinetic and exciting, drifting isn't as thrilling but more artistic to watch.
Rating: 6/10, Car-ate Kid 2

Fast & Furious (2009)
The original gang returns for this sequel which is a prequel to Tokyo Drift. Whaaaa? Maybe it will all make sense as the series progresses. More cars, fast driving, and Paul Walker undercover. This one is more Diesel's flick as he's out for revenge against a drug lord.

Cool: Fantastic opening sequence and first race
Lame: They sort of off-screen kill one of the main characters from the original movie
Could Go Either Way: There's some over the top moments that you'll either embrace or roll your eyes at
Rating: 5.5/10

Cinderella (2015)
They did a great job with this, I ended up liking it a lot more than I thought I would. There's not much to say, it's a live action Disney Cinderella! The Frozen short in front of it is a ton of fun. 

Cool: The special effects are wonderful in the truest sense of the word from the transformations to the mice; If you keep an eye out during Cinderella and the Prince's dance you'll see other Disney princesses attending the ball!
Lame: Helena Bonham Carter as the Fairy Godmother. You could put Jack Sparrow in drag and it would be just about the same in every way...except he might be a smidge prettier.
Rating: 7/10

Month Total
 New: 6  Rewatch: 1
Year Total
 New: 18  Rewatch: 3


  1. "a lion made of ice" Haha! Yeah, you guys got an unfair dose of winter this year. I'm glad to hear that things will be thawing out with that 60 degree weather! We had a day like that yesterday and it was so nice. I think the whole neighborhood was out.

    I just read a good review of Cinderella in the newspaper. I didn't know much about it, but it sounds like it's a pretty direct translation of what we're used to thinking of with her. Ouch! for Helena Bonham Carter! I'd actually like to see Jack Sparrow in that role...

    1. I was expecting to be a little bored but it was pretty entertaining all around.

  2. I have not seen DeathStalker in years!

    1. It's no Beastmaster but it's some good 80s cheese right there.