Aug 1, 2014

Monthly Movie Recap - July 2014

Hey, it's the first of the month! Hope you've enjoyed the (almost) week long Guardians of the Galaxy posts. I'll be seeing the movie tomorrow and I cannot wait! If you go to an AMC theater this weekend, you can get 1 of 6 mystery pins.

The Guardians emblem is a 1 in 100 shot, so good luck!

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)
Much like the second Matrix movie, the second Transformers movie turned me off the franchise. I only came back because someone wanted to see the new one and my geek brain wouldn't let me skip part of the series. Thankfully they got rid of most of the stupidity from part 2 (no giant robo-testicles or Skids/Mudflap). For a "family friendly" series, this one's pretty violent.

Cool: The battle in the collapsing skyscraper was a great action scene
Lame: Didn't really care for the plot; Why was Megatron even in this? They expect me to believe there's a " dark side" of the moon? Science!
Rating: 5/10

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)
This is like a greatest hits album with a couple of new tracks. It's a lot of the same stuff (overly gratuitous explosions, too much slo-mo, and Bay's trademark camera shots) but now we've got some new humans. It feels like it's supposed to be Prime's story but he's not the main focus. Unlike the last two I thought this one was a fun ride, if a bit long. If humanity was upset by the damage done in Chicago last movie, they are going to be pissed at the full-scale destruction done here!

Cool: I like the new Autobots, although I still don't understand why they have human features like hair and beards; The bounty hunter Lockdown is an awesome villain; Lots of action (duh)
Lame: Why are there Dinobots? Why does Lockdown's ship pickup and drop stuff in the city? Am I supposed to be thinking enough to ask these questions? In yo face product placement.
Rating:  6/10, my overall opinion might change if they make more films and follow through with the setup done here.

Blood Widow (2014)
Proof that you shouldn't judge a movie by its cover, even if that cover makes you think you'll see an awesome movie. I can appreciate low budget horror when it has an entertaining story to tell but there is nothing redeeming about this story because of the way it ends. But if you're at a Redbox and need a teen slasher fix, it's worth a rental.

Cool: The Blood Widow is a great looking killer
Lame: The ending just about makes the rest of the movie pointless
Rating: 4/10

Kansas City Bomber (1972)
Raquel Welch is a single mom trying to become a roller derby star. It's not a bad movie, it's just doesn't pull me in except for the derby scenes. The best parts of the movie happen on the track, the rest could be a Lifetime original movie.

Cool: Great derby action! Jodie Foster has a bit part. That big guy (around 1:08) is Norman Alden, voice of Aquaman on the Superfriends!
Lame: Despite the age difference, any romance with Kevin McCarthy is creepy
Rating: 5/10. If you want some sleazy roller action, check out Unholy Rollers. It's a lot more fun.

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)
Have you ever dreamed of Charlie's Angels with more toplessness and blood? If so, then Andy Sidaris is your director! One of the 12 movies making up the Bullets, Bombs, and Babes series staring Playmates and Penthouse Pets, this flick is crazy awesome bad! Drive by shooting from a skateboard! A crazed killer boa constrictor! Inept use of nunchucks! This movie has it all and you have to see it to believe it.

Cool: Everything I mentioned above and more!
Lame: Everything that is bad about this one is what makes it so "good"
Rating: 6/10

*Starship Invasions (1977)
This one came out shortly after Star Wars and I'm pretty sure I pestered my dad to go see it because I was obsessed with Star Wars. This is a completely different movie and not something a 7 year old should watch! Christopher Lee leads an alien force to try and take over Earth by making the population homicidal and/or suicidal.

Cool:I like most of the alien stuff, like the secret underwater monitoring base, unique hand blasters and UFO battles.
Lame: There has to be a better way to take over the planet; Not sure what is up with the evil alien costumes, they're just weird!
Rating: 5/10

We're The Millers (2013)
This was actually pretty funny, if a little by the numbers plot-wise. Not much else to say about it.

Cool: One specific outtake with Aniston is hilarious!
Rating: 6/10

Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)
Maybe it was the overhype that happened leading up to this movie, but I thought it was just ok. It felt like a lot of retreading the same ground from the first one. Don't get me wrong, it's still fairly funny.

Cool: The best part is seeing who turns up for the news team battle at the end (See? Retreading.)
Lame: I found Carrell oddly annoying this go round.
Rating: 5.5/10

Me Other Me: A Film About Cosplayers (2013)
The title is misleading. This is not a documentary about cosplayers, but about people that happen to be cosplayers. It gets to a more intimate level with three cosplayers, their personal relationships and how they deal with things like gender identity, reconnecting with parents, and unrequited feelings for friends.

Cool: Once I figured out what the movie was, I mostly enjoyed it
Lame: Was expecting something more like SyFy's Heroes of Cosplay and more focus on con-going, costuming and contests
Rating: 5.5/10

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)
More Zeiring! More sharks! More -nadoes! An unbelievable amount of cameos! Really the best thing about these movies is live tweeting them. If you're criticizing the bad writing or saying people tweeting about it are why SyFy original programming gets cancelled, you're watching the wrong movie. At the end of the day it's more dumb fun.

Rating: 7/10 (fun factor), 3/10 (actual movie rating)

Month Total
 New: 9  Rewatch: 1

Year To-Date Final Total 
New: 59 (+1 incomplete)  Rewatch: 11


  1. Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014) was a helluva' lot more fun than the first. And yes, live-tweetin' it was definitely the highlight of the film.

    I keep meaning to steal your schtick and doing a monthly recap of movies I've watched, but it seems a little tacky and unoriginal to do that. So, instead, I'll just be upset that you beat me to it.

  2. I think the main thing that made 2 better was the sheer number of cameos in it. You never knew who was going to turn up.

    Hey, I'm sure I'm not the first schlub on the internet to do a monthly recap of the movies they've watched. I'll even give you permission to steal it!