Jan 1, 2017

Monthly Movie Recap - December 2016

 

Happy New Year!
What did you watch this month? Any good holiday horrors?
I got a couple in but they were "just okay" at best.



Elves (1989, watch on Youtube)
Let me get this straight...Nazis genetically engineered elf creatures so that they can mate with a virgin to carry on the Master Race? Okay, just wanted to make sure I understood the plot.

Cool: Aside from the craziness, I got nothing. Not even Grizzly Adams can save this movie.
Lame: Where to start? The elf (there's only one) has to be the worst on screen creature I've ever seen. The deaths mainly happen off camera except for the psycho mom putting a cat in a pillow case and drowning it in a toilet. Seriously, wtf? Oh, and the mom is the only nudity in the movie...

Rating: 2/10, I'm sure this is someone's guilty pleasure but it ain't mine


To All a Good Night (1980, watch on YouTube right up there)
Pretty standard "sorority girls invite their jerk boyfriends to spend the night" slasher with faint holiday theme because the killer dresses as Santa.

Cool: Unlike Elves, a good amount of on screen kills/gore and nudity
Lame: The killer reveal seems more convoluted than it needed to be

Rating: 4/10


Bride of Re-Animator (1989)
I love the original Re-Animator but this one is like West's experiment in the movie: it has lots of good parts but when you put them all together it's not really what you were hoping for.

Cool: The effects. The little finger/eye creeper and decapitated head with bat wings.
Lame: West is totally obsessed with his work, taking every chance to reanimate something even if there's no real reason other than he (or the audience) is bored.

Rating: 5/10



West is back again and despite the crimes he's in jail for, they still let him do medical work. The plot moves a lot better than Bride. The final act takes a complete left turn down the same Crazy Street that I loved from the original but it's a bit jarring as the rest of the movie has a different tone.

Cool: West finally figures out a way to re-animate but keep the mind
Lame: Way too many shots of people drooling some type of fluid from their mouth. I mean, what is the deal?
Rating: 5/10


Spectral (2016, Netflix)
I caught the trailer and it did nothing for me. I mean how interesting could a movie be about soldiers fighting ghosts? Then I saw someone say it was worth checking out, so I did and was pleasantly surprised.

Cool: The mystery of what is happening turns out to make the movie awesome.
Cool/Lame: The ending drifts into an area that's not hinted at in the rest of the movie. While I love it, it does require a little logic trust fall.

Rating: 7/10

Ted 2 (2015)
Did you like the first one? Do you enjoy Family Guy? If so, there's no reason not to watch. It's pretty much more of the same but in a good way.

Cool: Sam Jones is back and there are some other great cameos. Part of the movie takes place at NY Comic Con (although you can tell it's staged because there's no way there is that much room to walk around the con floor!).
Lame: Not really anything I didn't like!

Rating: 7/10

*** Rogue One Spoilers Ahead ***

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
For the most part, I loved it! I'm a little disappointed with Jyn as she feels more like she's there to do what's needed to move the story than to be an actual character. Someone ate a few too many Member Berries because there's one cameo that while funny, wasn't really necessary.

Force as religion: This is an aspect of Star Wars that's always fascinated me and I was thrilled to be able to explore that a little with Jyn's mom and Chirrut.
A Different Rebellion: We always assumed the Rebels were the white hat good guys. I never pictured them carrying out assassinations for the cause. Really challenges what you thought you knew.
Tarkin: Nearly fell out of my seat when they revealed him. Are we truly at that level of effects? No. But Star Wars has always pushed the boundaries of movie making. His look didn't bother me nearly as much as the terrible voice actor who sounded nothing like Cushing.
Leia: A bit creepier looking than Tarkin and now that Carrie is gone, all the more so. I think they could have gotten away with having her real life daughter made up to do the part.
Dat Ending! Just...damn! The feeling I had when they cut to the Rebels with the plans, seeing the familiar ship corridors, realizing just how close to the start of Star Wars we were...goosebumps!
A Neat Little Bow: I always hear fans whining "why didn't we see X, Y, or Z from the newest movie in the original movies?" It annoys me because the Star Wars galaxy is huuuuge. Not only that, but no one every asked why we didn't see AT-ATs, snow troopers, or speeder bikes before the movies they appeared in. Every movie expands the universe and adds new things. But Rogue One pretty much nukes everything in this movie that you might expect to see in the originals...problem solved.

Rating: 8.5/10, looking forward to more non-Skywalker movies

Month Total
 New: 7  Rewatch: 0

Year Total
 New: 72  Rewatch:3

5 comments:

  1. I kind of liked Elves for what it was worth. Was not a fan of the Ted movie tho just goes to show how odd I'am. Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate a good bad movie as much as the next weirdo but Elves never got there for me.

      Delete
  2. You always make me watch some pretty terrible movies. Love it!

    ReplyDelete

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